U.N. SETS "GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS" FIELD
Selection Committee Gives U.S., China No. 1 seeds; Iraq a No. 3 in Mideast
New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) Update — "March Madness," the sobriquet of America's NCAA college basketball tournament, has spilled over to the international arena, as the United Nations Selection Committee today named the top 63 countries who will quite literally battle it out in a single elimination, military competition that should answer once and for all who is No. 1.
The tournament, which U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan promised would be "just like the NCAA's, except for the part where the losers die," has already sparked controversy among peace activists, who called the contests outrageous.
"I cannot believe they would do this," said WorldPeaceNow communications director Marvin Gundersohn. "I mean, come on, France is a 2-seed in the South? That's a laugh. And no way does Russia deserve a top seed in the Mideast. They're mired in a late 20th Century slump, have no momentum coming in, and have fought a weak schedule."
Women for Peace spokesperson Sharon Cognella, meanwhile, said she has filed an official protest against the tournament with the World Court at the Hague, and has top-seeded China in the office pool, although she thinks sleeper Myanmar could make it to the Final Four.
