She's for you, Jim!
- Thread starter Huge
- Start date
This is only funny if you've read the home-brew email she put on her web site for you to cut/paste... Read on
----- Original Message -----
From: fear wanker
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, December 10, 2001 3:37 PM
Subject: Here's the odd e-mail you really didn't want, Mary, but I'm sending it anyway.
Dear Mary,
I don't really understand that you appreciate that people are different and often looking for different things, but I'll play along with it for a while. A lot of men who aren't looking for the same thing that you're looking for want to correspond with you and maybe even bang you for whatever reason, but if you were to correspond with them or allow them to ravage you passionately, you'd have time for little else. This letter is your way of trying to receive e-mail from men who may be compatible with you and who want to meat (notice the a) you. Aren't you a little tired of receiving the same monotonous email over and over again? Well this email is hopefully a nice change.
I do understand, though, that, although talking and getting to know a man and letting him get to know you is one of your favorite things to do, you prefer to do that in person as much as possible rather than over the phone. Believe it or not, I, too, dislike phone sex, so let's just keep it at wanking at each other in person.
I, like you, believe in total mistrust and deceit within a relationship because relationships only result in heartbreak, and I will probably mislead you in every way I can while we're getting to know each other and starting to become familiar with each others' wanking patterns. If I were Pinocchio and I were to say any of what is in the email listed at your web site, I would probably be the star of the next Ladies Man movie just from the length of my nose.
To make it that much more difficult for you to quickly spot whether a man is able to honestly send you this whole letter as it is, I have changed its format almost entirely. I have inserted numerous references to wanking, also known as masturbation. I have removed the dashes (--), a few words from the letter, some of which are in parentheses, and I have also added to some of your words. I've supplied a complex answer for each of your questions. I'm happy to make this step so damn hard for you, Mary, because I know you wade through dozens of emails every day from evil stalkers that want to kill you, rape you, then to add insult to injury, wank on you.
I'm attached to my habit of wanking and I will never be divorced or separated from it. Sorry.
Eventually, if I find a woman, and after we spend a significant period of time getting to know each other, I'd like to wank on her a lot while she is laying on the bed naked and wet and horny.
Like you, I need and want a lot of wanking-filled togetherness with a person I'm interested in.
I have no idea whatsoever that you're in a south (sometimes called southwest) suburb of Chicago, Illinois. If things worked out between us, I could never move to your area, because I do not want to move out of my current community where pornography is not illegal and the neighbors are generally quiet and uninvasive, so I can wank in peace.
I could still meet you in person, but it would have to be in my area where I am familiar with my surroundings and where I like to wank.
The only god I believe in is the god of wanking, which has blessed me with the gift of being able to wank constantly.
I understand that you're looking for a man who either doesn't masturbate or who doesn't condone masturbation for himself and would prefer to live without it; I am the exact opposite of what you're looking for in this regard. I will masturbate whenever and wherever it is possible (not always necessarily convenient). I hope you respect that.
I know that, even though you're not a virgin and even though you love sex and you're very affectionate in marriage, sex is very special to you. You only want to have sex with one man for the rest of your life, and you won't know who that man is until marriage; so, you want to wait until marriage to have sex. I respect that, and I will even wank to it. That turns me on so much.
Most of my body is skinny, except for my left arm which could rival a professional wrestler's, due to my constant wanking.
My photo is attached to this e-mail. It is about two years old, and it shows my face, without sunglasses, and my body before I developed my wanking habit. It is only attached to this email because I know that, if I mail you my photo and if I enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope, you'll probably wank yourself to death from fantasizing about my sexy body.
I probably would not be available to receive a call from you due to my phone being shorted from all the wanking juice that has fallen into it, so I'm asking you to not call me, so as to avoid the awkwardness of listening to the ring tone for hours on end.
I know that you get a lot of prank e-mails and you probably consider this one of them. I'm fine with that, you probably want to contact my ISP and get my account cancelled.
I'm looking forward to wanking with you, on you, behind you or over you, whichever you desire. Sincerely, Fear D. Wanker.
----- Original Message -----
From: fear wanker
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, December 10, 2001 3:37 PM
Subject: Here's the odd e-mail you really didn't want, Mary, but I'm sending it anyway.
Dear Mary,
I don't really understand that you appreciate that people are different and often looking for different things, but I'll play along with it for a while. A lot of men who aren't looking for the same thing that you're looking for want to correspond with you and maybe even bang you for whatever reason, but if you were to correspond with them or allow them to ravage you passionately, you'd have time for little else. This letter is your way of trying to receive e-mail from men who may be compatible with you and who want to meat (notice the a) you. Aren't you a little tired of receiving the same monotonous email over and over again? Well this email is hopefully a nice change.
I do understand, though, that, although talking and getting to know a man and letting him get to know you is one of your favorite things to do, you prefer to do that in person as much as possible rather than over the phone. Believe it or not, I, too, dislike phone sex, so let's just keep it at wanking at each other in person.
I, like you, believe in total mistrust and deceit within a relationship because relationships only result in heartbreak, and I will probably mislead you in every way I can while we're getting to know each other and starting to become familiar with each others' wanking patterns. If I were Pinocchio and I were to say any of what is in the email listed at your web site, I would probably be the star of the next Ladies Man movie just from the length of my nose.
To make it that much more difficult for you to quickly spot whether a man is able to honestly send you this whole letter as it is, I have changed its format almost entirely. I have inserted numerous references to wanking, also known as masturbation. I have removed the dashes (--), a few words from the letter, some of which are in parentheses, and I have also added to some of your words. I've supplied a complex answer for each of your questions. I'm happy to make this step so damn hard for you, Mary, because I know you wade through dozens of emails every day from evil stalkers that want to kill you, rape you, then to add insult to injury, wank on you.
I'm attached to my habit of wanking and I will never be divorced or separated from it. Sorry.
Eventually, if I find a woman, and after we spend a significant period of time getting to know each other, I'd like to wank on her a lot while she is laying on the bed naked and wet and horny.
Like you, I need and want a lot of wanking-filled togetherness with a person I'm interested in.
I have no idea whatsoever that you're in a south (sometimes called southwest) suburb of Chicago, Illinois. If things worked out between us, I could never move to your area, because I do not want to move out of my current community where pornography is not illegal and the neighbors are generally quiet and uninvasive, so I can wank in peace.
I could still meet you in person, but it would have to be in my area where I am familiar with my surroundings and where I like to wank.
The only god I believe in is the god of wanking, which has blessed me with the gift of being able to wank constantly.
I understand that you're looking for a man who either doesn't masturbate or who doesn't condone masturbation for himself and would prefer to live without it; I am the exact opposite of what you're looking for in this regard. I will masturbate whenever and wherever it is possible (not always necessarily convenient). I hope you respect that.
I know that, even though you're not a virgin and even though you love sex and you're very affectionate in marriage, sex is very special to you. You only want to have sex with one man for the rest of your life, and you won't know who that man is until marriage; so, you want to wait until marriage to have sex. I respect that, and I will even wank to it. That turns me on so much.
Most of my body is skinny, except for my left arm which could rival a professional wrestler's, due to my constant wanking.
My photo is attached to this e-mail. It is about two years old, and it shows my face, without sunglasses, and my body before I developed my wanking habit. It is only attached to this email because I know that, if I mail you my photo and if I enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope, you'll probably wank yourself to death from fantasizing about my sexy body.
I probably would not be available to receive a call from you due to my phone being shorted from all the wanking juice that has fallen into it, so I'm asking you to not call me, so as to avoid the awkwardness of listening to the ring tone for hours on end.
I know that you get a lot of prank e-mails and you probably consider this one of them. I'm fine with that, you probably want to contact my ISP and get my account cancelled.
I'm looking forward to wanking with you, on you, behind you or over you, whichever you desire. Sincerely, Fear D. Wanker.
DarkPrincess
One of a Kind
You can't tell a man (or a woman for that matter) to give up porn and fantasies! WTH was she thinking?
