Fuser Man
blah, blah, blah
1. There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" Party.
2. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
3. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.
4. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically,but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
5. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
6. People who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
7. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."
8. There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
9. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time.
10. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
11. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. Those strippers and liquor sure do add up.
12. Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
13. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.
14. The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel,and be form-fitted to her butt.
15. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
16. No one would bother with that "Veil Routine." But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
17. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral.
18. Invitations would read as follow... Tom (Dick orHarry) is getting the old ball and chain ... He's getting married. He either:
A) couldn't get a different roommate, or
B) caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium. On the 50 Yard Line. At Half- time during Sunday's Game.
2. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
3. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.
4. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically,but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
5. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
6. People who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
7. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."
8. There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
9. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time.
10. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
11. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. Those strippers and liquor sure do add up.
12. Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
13. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.
14. The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel,and be form-fitted to her butt.
15. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
16. No one would bother with that "Veil Routine." But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
17. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral.
18. Invitations would read as follow... Tom (Dick orHarry) is getting the old ball and chain ... He's getting married. He either:
A) couldn't get a different roommate, or
B) caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium. On the 50 Yard Line. At Half- time during Sunday's Game.
