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Oliver North :D :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: dude!

ROTFLMAO at that reply gonzo ;) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. Just three women entered the race: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later...

A secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. Her boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you...

An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out...

Only in America ... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin...

Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Jimmy just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $130,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you...

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose...

I'm currently running the latest version of Girl-Friend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 all along as my primary application, and all the Girl-Friend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that Drinking Buddies...

101 Things NOT To Say During Sex But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me up for that? Did I mention the video camera? :scared: Do you smell something burning? (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... Try breathing through your nose. A little rug burn never hurt...

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face...

After a date at a local night-spot a girl invited her new boyfriend back to the home that she shared with her parents, but insisted that they would have to be extremely quiet to be sure they not to wake them up. After half an hour or so of passionate kissing, cuddling and fondling the...

THE GIRL'S PRAYER Our men's Cash Which art on plastic Hallowed be thy name Thy Cartier watch Thy Prada bag In Harrods As it is in Selfridges Give us each day our Platinum Visa And forgive us our overdraft As we forgive those who stop our MasterCard And lead us not into...

the drunk ****ed as a Fart A man walks in to a pub after a hard days work. As he approaches the bar he sees an elderly man proped up at the bar looking slightly ****ed. So, as the gentlman he is, he offers to help the ****ed fart out and take him home. So the man asks the bar man...

A young college guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly dude. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so...

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Movie nudity is virtually always female. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You can open all your own jars. Short skirts Old friends...

Men Have Feelings Too :wave: When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too...

Hell ain't a bad place to be One day a man died and found himself in hell. He’s crying his eyes out at his misfortune, and he has his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why are you crying?" The man responded, "Why do you think? I'm in hell!" "Hell's not a bad place to...

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather...