That last one reminds me of a call I took once...
Me - "Have you tried rebooting the computer?"
Him - "Hol' on a sec', kay?"
insert loud THUNK sound here
Me, hand smacking forehead "OK, then how about turning the computer off and back on?"
Him - "Kay, that worked. Thank ya very much, I 'preciate this!"
insert click indicating phone hanging up, followed by long fit of laughter